“How does one become a butterfly?" she asked. "You must want to fly so much that you are willing to give up being a caterpillar.” Trina Paulus

Monday, October 6, 2014

Week Two: rump shakin... soul shakin

Today was hard to get up, I'm not sure if it was the weekend off working out or just the thought of actually staying committed to something good for me.  This was the hardest day so far to actually get myself there, but I snapped into the groove pretty quick... it helps to run into a friendly face on the way in.
As the music played and I started to loosen up, I got a smile on my face... as we do a grapevine kinda move it reminded me of my days at the old Desert Palms... when I used to be addicted to step aerobics... as my body moved I giggled inside thinking of my gym friends Kelly, Pam, Jana, Linda, Adele and our outfits---bright biker shorts with one piece thong leotards... and man could Deb Torres make some great outfits... Teaching Aqua... and kids at the daycare... Perry always joking and making the atmosphere fun...  
As I caught onto the moves this morning I noticed a few things... my hips remember the beat faster than my feet... I can still shake my booty, there's just more to shake... twerking is acceptable at Zumba, and actually preferred at times... I felt good today... I felt happy and alive...and even though I joked "is it over yet" at 30 min in, I really was sad when it was over.  
I looked around the room... I know I'm talking alot about my journey and the crazy thoughts in my head, but as I looked around in some women's eyes, I remembered that we all have a story, and we all beat ourselves up, and we all just want to be valued.  So regardless of our shape and our sizes, and regardless of our reason for getting our fannies up for the 5:30 class--- we are all human and we all want to be valued.  
And to top it off, the cool down song was Try by Colbie Caillat... and as I stretched my body... I listened ...
You don't have to try so hard
You don't have to, give it all away
You just have to get up, get up, get up, get up
You don't have to change a single thing
Look into the mirror, at yourself
Don't you like you?
'Cause I like you

And I thought of all the times I close my eyes and don't make eye contact with myself in the mirror... but then I thought again of the commitment I made even before I started the physical work... I was driving down the highway and I thought of the feelings we have when we are in love, especially the twitter-patted first parts of love... and I thought about myself... I made a choice in that moment that I would feel that way about me... that I would fall in love with me, all of me, the crazy, the silly, the broken, the naive, the foolish parts, the heavy parts... all of me... that I would get butterfly's in my stomach and adrenalin thinking about me and my possibilities and my today and tomorrow.  So when I went home from the gym today to get ready for work, I looked in my eyes and I saw her, I really saw her... the soul that is me... and ya know what I adore her and I cherish her... I believe in me.    


  1. I love it!! You are amazing! I can't wait to read the next one!

    It's me, your favorite!! I shouldn't even need to tell you my name.

  2. oh darn it told you. so much for the surprise. I LOVE YOU!!!!