“How does one become a butterfly?" she asked. "You must want to fly so much that you are willing to give up being a caterpillar.” Trina Paulus

Wednesday, October 8, 2014

Sometimes spin sucks... And other stuff

(Disclaimer: My spin instructor Rebecca is amazing.. The following story doesn't reflect her class)This post is a day late cuz the pain lingered longer this time... Is week 2 normally harder? 
Waking up wasn't easy... The talking myself out of going was loud... But I went... I never knew an hour (ok 55 min cuz I was late) could feel like an eternity, that I could want to leave so much. Everything was hard... Most of the music felt like hell in a speaker... Luckily it was loud so my cussing couldn't be heard over it. My beautiful friend Jessamy was on her bike ....And it looked so easy for her that I wanted to push her bike over (but I love her so I let her stay up right)    I kept peddling... Not up to speed... But I kept peddling. My mind was racing faster than my legs... Negative self talk was amped to pounding beat...
If I was talking to you the way I was talking to me-you wouldn't be my friend today... But I can't leave myself so I just gotta apologize and forgive myself.... But the good news is the cool down song was Guru Ram Das by Nirinjan... Which calms me, I got some girlfriend chat time after, and when I got in my car Jodeci came on... Now that's gotta make up for it... 
I'm not gonna pretend that the rest of the day was rainbows and butterfly's cuz it was a tough day all around ... Culminating with my granddaughter throwing up all over us... But with the struggle of the day... I saw flashes of beautiful light- penny from heaven, grand baby smiles, my redheaded daughter play with her heart and soul & score the most beautiful goal, feather from heaven, Sean's song, mamas song... 2 soccer wins... 
It's hard sometimes to see the light when it seems dark... But squint a little harder, it's there. 

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