“How does one become a butterfly?" she asked. "You must want to fly so much that you are willing to give up being a caterpillar.” Trina Paulus

Sunday, September 28, 2014

Raw and Gooey- Introduction

My journey isn't pretty, but it's oh so beautiful...it's not tidy and clean, but messy and tangled... But a caterpillar can't emerge from its cocoon  the butterfly it was destined to be without darkness and goo, without struggle and pain. There are moments of writhing in pain as the wings start to form, that thoughts feel hopeless and alone. There are moments I wish I could change my mind and stay the same, a caterpillar is fine and does it own good.... But I know deep in my soul that I made this commitment, I know deep in my heart that I promised Him more. I search deep in my memory reaching for the moment I sat with Him and said I want to learn this, I will take on this task...I wish I remembered the belief I had in me then... The look in His eyes as He believed in me too... But in my darkest gooiest moments He shows me a tiny spark of my light to give me hope to move forward...
So I'm starting another blog of my journey forward... It won't be poetic words like my other blog, it may be raw and ugly and messy but from it will come beauty... It's going to be my physical journey back to health, but that's just a physical representation of the truly  messy journey within... The weight is a protection from the hurt, to insulate and protect me from the painful lessons ... I know as the covering started I was in the waves of the inertia of relationships that I hadn't processed or felt the weight of (pun unintended but true) so as I tread the water gasping for air...I needed protection to be able to dissect and reopen the wounds to let them breathe and heal. 
  This blog is for me, but if in someway it can touch or help you...that's wonderful.  

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